


up in smoke

by childofthenight2035



Series: Put Your Glasses On [16]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Homophobia, Hurt No Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:33:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24564673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/childofthenight2035/pseuds/childofthenight2035
Summary: He nods, blinking away the pinpricks in his eyes.Neither of them need to know, he decides.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Jeon Wonwoo, Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Series: Put Your Glasses On [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1685593
Comments: 23
Kudos: 92





	up in smoke

The young man shrugs his backpack off and sits down at the desk in his room, stilling movement to listen to the voices coming from the rest of the house. His parents are arguing over something, it seems, but then again, most conversation in the house sounded like that. They’re probably having a normal discussion about god knows what. 

Satisfied that they’re occupied, he pulls out a book from his bag. Brand new. The plastic is still on it but he tears it off quickly. It’s _The Changeling_ , and he’s not sure himself why he bought it. The summary seemed interesting to him and he thinks…he thinks Wonwoo might like it. He opens the cover, cheeks turning pink. 

He’s nervous as he uncaps his pen and puts it to the corner of the first page, hesitating. Then he says to himself, ‘ _fuck it_ ’ and writes four words there. 

He runs shaky fingertips over the drying black ink. 

_Always yours,_ it reads, _Choi Youngjae._

He sits back, exhaling deeply. 

It’s not that Wonwoo doesn’t know he exists. Far from it. Wonwoo knows him, Wonwoo _likes_ him and he’s whispered as much into Youngjae’s ear in the split second of privacy they get in the bathroom together. But that’s just it. Does he have to whisper? Both of them are out, on campus, at least, and Wonwoo’s never tried to hide that they like each other, so this wouldn’t be a bad idea, right? If he goes up to him tomorrow and asks him to be his boyfriend, he would say yes, right?

He sighs again, conflicted. He wishes he had someone to talk to about it, someone else’s opinion. He could ask Ryujin, but that’s a level of enthusiasm he can’t meet right now. He closes the book, admiring the cover illustration and vows to read it that night, when the door opens. 

He turns the book cover face down and looks up innocently. His mother comes into the room, smiling warmly at him. 

“Hey, ma,” he says, also breaking into a smile. 

“Youngjae-yah,” she scolds, “I feel like I haven’t seen you in days, why are you always cooped up in here?” She runs her eyes around his room. It’s not messy enough for her to comment. “I’ve asked Mr. Kim to get some beef and your father’s going to cook tonight, so freshen up and come out, okay?”

He nods quickly, fingers tight around the novel in his hands. “Is it a special occasion?” 

She ruffles his hair. “Does spending time with your family have to be a special occasion?” She doesn’t wait for an answer, but walks back to the door. “Don’t be late!”

“Yes, ma,” he says quietly, but she’s already left. 

He sighs. 

Youngjae’s wondered about it before, how his parents would take the news of his coming out. They adore him, he knows that, but still—his parents do value esteem in society very much. _It’s reasonable that they want to look good,_ he thinks, _considering the corporate kingdom and all the businesses they’re running._

But would they favor public opinion over him? 

He’s sure they probably wouldn’t kick him out, since that would cause immediate concern in the public eye. The fact that he’s gay could be hidden, glossed over, at least for another decade until people pressured him to get married. Most of those high profile people of his age are over on the other end of the campus, studying business and what not. He’s lucky he’s on the arts side. He’s lucky his parents are alright with his choice.

But would they be alright with _this_?

_The questions don’t end, do they?_

He sighs again, stuffs the book back into his bag, and gets up to take a shower.

-

Youngjae is out of his room and on his way to the kitchen to find his parents when he hears voices in the dining room. He’s about to burst in cheerfully when he hears, “Well, what are you going to do about him?”

He halts outside the room, outside the half open door. What did his mother mean by that? Are they talking about him?

“I don’t know yet,” he hears his father grumble. “Filth. Can you believe the nerve of some people, to go against nature like that? Sick. That’s what they are.”

Youngjae narrows his eyes. Familiar words, but he still doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

“It really isn’t our place to meddle in his business—”

“What do you mean, _his_ business! I _run_ the business, damn it, I have the right to kick him out if I want to! You can go around defending the fucking faggot, I won’t!”

Youngjae reels, stepping back in horror. His heartbeat has slowly ascended in the past minute, but this nearly stops it. 

_They’re not talking about me, are they?_

“Listen, let’s not do anything hasty, okay? Please,” his mother pleads. “This may just be a rumour, you know, kids say a lot of silly things. Let’s not jump to conclusions. Alright? You just forget about it.”

He can hardly hear anything apart from the blood pounding in his ears. 

His father doesn’t speak for a moment. “If this gets out of hand, I want him out.”

“You mean, fire him? But what if he goes to court?”

Youngjae lets out an exhale that ends up being louder than he intended. He’s so relieved that they’re not talking about him, that he misses the rest of the conversation. He tries his best to calm his heart beat and pushes open the door. His parents are seated on adjacent sides of the table and fall silent as he comes in. He forces a smile.

“What’s up? What’s the big discussion about?”

His mother waves a hand even as her husband glares. “Oh, just some issues with an employee.”

He hums, sitting down next to them. “What happened?”

She shakes her head. “Nothing you need to worry your head about. Dear,” she says, turning to his father pointedly, “weren’t you going to cook tonight?”

“Ah, yes.” He nods and gets up to unpack the bags that Mr. Kim must have brought in, and the talk turns to Youngjae’s exams that would start the next week. 

He sits there with them, and yes, he’s laughing about something his teacher said; yes, he’s agreeing with his father on the quality of the beef; yes, he’s assuring his mother that he was studying well and that he would accompany her this weekend to try a new Chinese restaurant that opened downtown. But his heart is sinking deeper and deeper into his chest. 

His plans of coming out? Vanished, gone up in smoke. 

No, he doesn’t dare say anything to them any longer, not after what he just heard. He feels sick to his stomach, horrified that his father could say such awful things, to one of their own employees, just because they were gay. He’s not sure his mother’s defense was because of the gay part, or because of sympathy. Either way, he’s too scared to tell even her. 

“Are you alright, Youngjae?” 

He snaps out of his thoughts. He didn’t realize he was brooding over it so fiercely that his expression changed. He shakes his head, smiling. “Just worried about the exams, ma.”

His father clucks his tongue. “We let you learn music because we had faith in you. Don’t let us down.”

He nods, blinking away the pinpricks in his eyes. “I won’t, dad.”

_Neither of them need to know_ , he decides. 

And neither of them did know, when he cried himself to sleep that night, the new book shoved into his desk and forgotten.

**Author's Note:**

> so introducing choi youngjae at last!   
> maybe some of you have figured out what's happening, idk, let's see


End file.
